Seeing Past The Darkness
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: He didn't know what to do, he had left her all alone to die and he couldn't handle the pain of knowing he had picked his job over his own mother. So Spencer Reid turned to the one thing he knew would help him. What happens when JJ finds out? JJ/Reid
1. Tears

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds, but I do own a rather amazing Criminal Minds hoodie, which rules...**

**~ Chapter One ~ **

**"Death takes the good, too good to stay. Death leaves the bad, too bad to take away."  
**

Spencer Reid looked down at the phone he held in his shaking hands, the words replaying in his head over and over again. He shook his head in an attempt to make it stop, she couldn't be gone, she couldn't have left him. He denied it to himself, it hurt too much to think about the truth, she wouldn't leave him like this. She was too strong, she had been fine the last time he spoke to her, she had been okay. He knew denial probably hurt more than the truth, but maybe if he told himself that she wasn't dead enough then maybe it wouldn't be true, maybe he would wake up from this horrible nightmare. Maybe.

He blamed himself, more than anything, he blamed himself for letting her stay there, he blamed himself for not being there, he blamed himself for going on that stupid case even though he knew she was ill. He blamed himself for her death.

He was angry at himself as well, for letting his job take over his whole life. His job seemed to come first, even over his own mother. His job was more important to him than life or death, and even though he loved every moment of it, he knew it was wrong. He knew he should want a life outside the BAU but he thought he had everything he needed there – he didn't stop to think for a moment about the one person he had left in the outside world.

He felt the guilt rush over him, he could have been there if he had bothered, he could have been there with her, holding her hand and letting her know that everything was okay. He could have been sitting next to her as she closed her eyes for that one final time, reading some of her favourite passages to her just like she would have wanted. He found himself wondering who had been there to do it instead of her own son, they didn't have anyone else. She was all alone.

He shuddered at the thought of her being all alone, she probably held strong until the very end. He hoped that it had been quick and painless, he could only hope she hadn't been hurting. He could only hope she hadn't asked where her son was, why he wasn't there with her. He could only hope because hope was one of the only things he had left.

He finally let the tears fall down his face, falling onto his lap as he bent his head down into his hands, trying to control the sobs that were starting to take over his body. He sat all alone in his darkened house, wanting nothing more than to curl up in a ball and die right there and then. He couldn't cope with her death, he couldn't live with the fact that she had been all alone when she had died. When had he put his own career over the woman who made it possible for him to have it in the first place?

His body shook as more tears fell from his eyes, slowing down as he stood up, he knew what he was going to do. He had been clean for little over a year now and he couldn't handle this without the drugs that had helped him through the dark times last time. He couldn't handle the guilt without them, he couldn't do this on his own. He couldn't

live with himself knowing he had left his mother to rot in there. He was the one who was to blame for all of this, and if there had been one thing that Spencer Reid couldn't live with, it was pain. The pain of knowing he could have been there if he tried. The pain of handling all the guilt he knew he would be bearing with him for as long as he lived. And there was only one way he could make it go away.

**A/N: Please let me know what you think by dropping me a review! I will update tomorrow probably, depending on your views of it :) **


	2. Losing Him

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Two ~ **

Jennifer Jareau watched as a certain genius walked into the bullpen, she had noticed he had been looking a little rough lately, but who could blame him? His mother had died, everyone knew they were close, despite the fact he could hardly see her because of his job. He sent her a letter every single day, just to ease his own guilt. She sighed, wondering how she could get him to open up to anyone in the team. He just seemed to be keeping them all away at the moment, refusing to say or do anything with them.

She looked over at Morgan, biting her lip, although Morgan was his best friend, Spencer had warned him off a week ago when all of this came out. She had a feeling that Spencer was hiding something from them, but she didn't know what and even if she did, she wouldn't want to say anything to him. He scared her at the moment, he would snap at anything and everything, he just sat at his desk, muttering random curse words under his breath as he did his paperwork.

He would sit away from them on the plane, ignoring them when they asked him something. She knew it didn't stop him doing his job right though, but it also made his already terrible social skills even worse, and she knew if it carried on then Hotch would make him go home and stay there until he felt ready. She didn't want to see her best friend go but she knew it would be for the best, but would it really be?

She put her head in her hands, looking down at the case file in front of her, if he was at home then he would be all alone and they would be at work, unable to keep an eye on him. He could do anything, he could even hurt himself. That was what she worried about the most, her heart beat would increase when her phone rang in the early morning, believing it was Hotch telling her that Reid had done it. And she knew the worst thing was, she wouldn't be surprised if he did.

She shuddered at the thought of a life without him, she knew she loved him, she had always loved him. Love at first sight you could say, she laughed a little. Spencer Reid had never been her type, but that was one of the things that attracted her to him. His random facts never failed to bring a smile to her face, his kind words, his social awkwardness, his intelligence, his undeniably good looks, his terrible fashion sense... all of it, every little bit of him, attracted her to him. She would wake up in the night sometimes, wondering if he was okay, asking herself what he was doing right then.

She looked back at him as he slammed his hand down on his desk, glaring at Morgan as they both stood up. She had never known Reid to be so aggressive, it was nothing new from Morgan but it didn't stop her from worrying. She shook her head, slamming down the case file and storming out of her office,

"Time to play mummy." She muttered to herself, rolling her eyes,

"What do you two think you're doing?" She walked down the small amount of steps from her office and down to their desks, Morgan sat down, hearing the no nonsense tone in her voice, knowing it was best for their own safety if he backed down there and then. He stared at Reid, gulping as the man turned to face JJ, obviously up for the fight.

None of them knew what was up with him lately, his mood swings were starting to put them on edge, never knowing whether to say good morning to him when they walked past him, or just say hello and run off. It hurt them all to see one of their best friends, a member of their family, act like this and not one of them knew what to do about it.

Morgan looked over at Emily, it had been a petty argument over the stapler, but somehow Reid managed to turn it into something else, something more and now here the young genius was, facing an angry woman with a gun. They both knew this wouldn't go down well.

"Stay out of it." Reid gritted his teeth, his hand shaking already as he clenched his fist, trying to ignore the craving he had been having regularly while he was in work.

"Are you going to make me Doctor Reid?" JJ wasn't going to back down from this, she wanted to know what was up, and she wanted to know now. She folded her arms across her chest, staring the doctor right in the eyes.

"Oh did Morgan need mummy to come to the rescue?" Reid glared over at Morgan who shook his head, looking from him to JJ and then back at Emily, neither of them knew what to say.

"Look Reid, I don't know what has gotten into you lately but you need to calm down. If I see you arguing with one more person, I will kick your ass out of here so quick..."

"What has it got to do with you? I don't even like you! I don't want you, any of you." He interrupted her, his words hurting JJ more than anyone could ever know,

"Just stay out of my life." He muttered angrily, taking a step towards the now upset woman, her anger was slowly dissipating as she ran his words through her head,

"We want to help you." She whispered, looking into his eyes, wondering where the Reid she had fallen in love with had gone.

"Maybe I don't want your pathetic help." She sighed, about to walk back to her office, wincing in pain when Reid gripped her arm tightly, she had no idea how strong he was,

"Leave me alone from now on, Agent Jareau." He spat out her name, his eyes never leaving hers, she looked into his brown eyes, seeing nothing but hate in them as she nodded, biting her lip, knowing she must look stupid in front of all her friends and the other agents who she knew was looking on at the scene in front of them.

"Let go of me." She went to pull her arm out of his hand, instead his grip tightened,

"I mean it." She nodded again, too scared to do anything else, she winced in pain again as his fingers curled even tighter around her arm, she was sure the blood has stopped running in it now as she looked over to Morgan who was now on his feet,

"She said get off her man." JJ gasped in shock as Morgan jumped on Reid, knocking him to the ground, rubbing her arm as his fingers finally let go of it, and looking over at Emily. She knew the woman could see the tears forming in her eyes, she was glad then when Hotch appeared at his office door, staring at what was going on in the bullpen. She shook her head, running off into her own office, locking the door behind her as she sank to the floor, lifting up her sleeve to reveal a large bruise already forming. She sighed, she only wanted to know if he was okay. But he hated her, she could see that now, so why should she want to save him from himself?

She bit her lip,she hated loving someone who didn't feel the same. Tears ran down her face as she thought about what had just happened, and she curled up in a tight ball and let the sobs overtake her shaking body,

"JJ?" She heard Morgan's soft voice on the other side of the door, knowing it was best to let him in, otherwise he wouldn't leave and would probably try talking to her from out there, with everyone listening to them.

She sighed, getting up and unlocking the door, Morgan was one of the only ones who knew how she felt about Reid. He was the amazing big brother, the one she would stay up late with at night and mess around with while watching stupid action movies. He was the first to know about her feelings for a certain genius, he was the one who stayed up with her while eating ice cream, he was her best friend and her big brother.. she loved him more than anything, as a brother of course.

She looked at him, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were still falling down her face, smiling as he shook his head, knowing not to say anything as he walked up to her and held her in his strong arms. He shushed her gently as he rubbed her back, he loved the relationship he had with her. He wouldn't be able to do this with Garcia or Emily, or anyone else other than his own sisters. Emily, he liked to flirt with her as well as Garcia – he didn't see either of them as his little sisters, he saw them both as family.. though he wasn't sure what he exactly saw them as. He could see himself with Garcia, he wanted her more than anything and Emily was like an annoying cousin, who he loved to spend time with.

He held her in his arms for a good ten minutes, rocking her side to side as he told her everything was going to be okay. He knew how much she loved him, he could see the hurt in her eyes as soon as he told her he didn't want her, that he didn't even like her. He knew that seeing Reid like this hurt her as well, he smiled at her as she finally pulled away as he wiped the tears from her face.

"Did he hurt you?" He whispered, his hand finding it's way to her arm, she nodded a little,

"I'm scared... I'm scared that we have lost him." She looked down at the floor as Morgan rolled up her sleeve,

"It's bleeding a little..." He muttered, he could see where Reid's fingernails had dug into her delicate, pale skin and she nodded, gulping a little as she looked down at the dark bruise,

"He didn't mean to." Morgan nodded in agreement,

"He asked me to say sorry to you, and Hotch wants to see you... Reid has been suspended, and he's not allowed to come back until he gets the all clear from a psychologist." She nodded, smiling a little,

"Do you think he will be okay?"

"Yeah, I think he needs a little time to clear his head, they were close so it's going to take some time." She wiped away her tears quickly, turning away to walk to her desk. Morgan got the hint and grinned at her,

"Take it Hotch is coming to you then?" She groaned loudly and shook her head, getting back up from her seat to walk back over to him,

"He just wants a word and then you will probably be sent home as well, just like me." She shook her head,

"You've been sent home?"

"For the rest of the day, I kind of gave Reid a black eye when I pushed him away from you."

"Oh.." She muttered, walking past him,

"I will meet you and drop you off when you get out." She nodded, Morgan had given her a lift to work that morning because her car had broken down, she rolled her eyes at the man she knew she would always consider a brother before knocking on her boss's door. She knew that if she didn't have Reid, at least she would still have everyone else – they didn't hate her.


	3. Loving Him

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Three ~ **

JJ walked up the path to the small house, wondering if she had made the right choice by coming here. She had been dropped off home by Morgan after an hour long lecture from Hotch, and had sat in her empty, dark house for over two hours before she had decided where to go. She took a deep breath before gathering the courage to knock the door, biting her lip as she waited for him to answer.

"JJ?" He whispered, squinting his eyes as he opened the door, she noticed the confusion in his eyes as he looked at her, and she nodded slowly.

"Can I come in?" She looked at him as he turned his head, a look of panic on his face before he shook his head, trying to step forward and stop her from going in,

"Why? What are you hiding?" She knew she couldn't let him get away with it, and if it was what she thought it was, then it was better for him if she did it like this,

"Nothing!" He muttered, looking down at the floor before she managed to push him out of the way and walked into his dark house. She took one look around before her eyes settled on what she should have known would be there all along,

"How could you?" She whispered, turning around to face him as he looked from her to the drugs that were sitting there on the table, she noticed the fear in his eyes as he tried to figure out what to say to her, what to do.

"I thought you had been clean, how in the hell could you do this to yourself? To us?!" She picked up the photograph that was on the bookcase, the photograph that had been taken of the whole team together a few months ago. Staring at it before chucking it at him, tears streamed down her face as the photograph hit the floor with a large crash, the glass smashing as soon as the impact hit it.

Reid shook his head at her, not knowing what to say or do, biting his lip as hard as he could,

"After everything! Everything! And you do this all over again, what the hell were you thinking, are you stupid?!" JJ walked up at him, her face red as the anger took over, she couldn't believe that he would do this, she couldn't stand the fact that the man she loved was hurting himself like this.

"Don't call me that." He muttered, trying to step back but JJ took another step forward,

"Don't call you what? Stupid? Because you are, you're a stupid, stupid man who needs to do a lot of growing up! How long are you going to hide behind the youngest façade? How much longer are you going to do this for?" Spencer shook his head, his own anger levels rising by the second, he hated being called that, he knew he wasn't. But then again, he knew he was acting like it right then,

"Leave me alone." He spat at her, she could see the hate in his eyes, almost causing her to take a step back,

"Leave you alone? So what? So you can slowly kill yourself? So you can stay here in this tiny house and get high?" He winced a little as she shouted at him, for such a small woman she sure was loud, he found himself thinking, and then he did something neither of them expected,

"Get out of my house!" Reid shouted, raising his fist to punch her, both of them stumbled back from shock as his fist made contact with her face, causing JJ to cry out in pain and grab her face with her own hand, stepping backwards as she shook her head. She could feel the soft trickle of blood down her face and underneath her hands she could feel the light swelling already. She gasped slightly, not knowing what to do when Reid sank to the ground sobbing.

It took her a moment to react, trying to figure out whether she should run and leave him or whether she should run to him and forgive him. She chose the second option, shaking her head before running over to his now curled up body, putting her hand on his back as she tried to soothe him.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, wrapping her arms around him as he wrapped his around her waist, tears still running down his face as he tried to calm himself down, she sighed as she closed her eyes, trying to stop the tears that were now running down her face as well.

"I am so sorry, I didn't mean to." Reid finally managed to say between sobs, JJ shook her head,

"I understand, I shouldn't have shouted at you like that."

"I would have done the same." He whispered back, shaking his head as he wrapped his arms even tighter around her.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." She said, smiling at him as she got up, helping him up as she did. When they got into his bedroom she smiled at him, putting him down in his bed.

"Stay with me." He said as he closed his eyes, JJ nodded and crept into the bed with him, wrapping the covers around them both as he wrapped his arms around her waist, she put one hand on his shoulder while playing with his hair with the other one. She closed her eyes lightly, remembering their date over two years ago.

"_I had a great time tonight." JJ looked at Reid as he blushed a dark shade of red, nodding as he looked down at his feet. It was his social awkwardness that had attracted her to him in the first place, and now it was as sweet as ever. _

"_Me too." He muttered, still looking down at the floor, JJ shook her head and bit her lip, not knowing what to say to him next. _

"_So goodnight then." Reid whispered before walking away. JJ groaned loudly, slamming her house door behind her,_

"Not even a goodnight kiss." She muttered to herself, looking around the empty house. 

"_Not even a do you want to do this some other time."  
_

She laughed a little, still stroking his hair when she noticed he was fast asleep. She had loved him since then, as much as it hurt to know he never felt the same but she couldn't stop loving him – no matter how much she tried. She would always love him, despite everything. She heaved a deep sigh before closing her own eyes and putting her head on his chest and smiling as she fell asleep next to the man she loved more than life itself.


	4. Loving Her

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Four ~ **

JJ looked at the phone in her hands and sighed, she looked at the man who was still sleeping in the bed, knowing what she had to do, she dialled the number, pacing back and forth as she waited for the person on the other end to answer.

Spencer opened his eyes, watching her as she paced from one side of his bedroom to the other, not realizing he was awake yet,

"No, I understand but it's important..." He heard her mutter, rolling her eyes at the person down the phone,

"I don't want to give you a reason... look I have holiday time coming up, just take it off that...." He could make out the sound of someone shouting on the other end, but he still had no idea who it was,

"It's none of your business! Look, see you in a week or so. Goodbye Hotch." Reid groaned out loud, looking at her when she hung up,

"You didn't have to do that." He muttered, trying to hide his happiness that she wanted to stay with him despite everything, he looked at her black eye which she had tried to cover up with make-up and he felt his face burning and he looked away from her.

"Don't worry about it Reid," He noticed that she didn't call him Spence' like she always did, just like he loved,

"You were high, and I pushed you. Let's just forget about it." He nodded, sitting up in his bed and staring at the woman he had always loved, the woman he wished he could have the guts to admit it to.

"Where are you going?" He muttered, getting out of his bed and following her out of the bedroom, his eyes wide with fear when she walked into the bathroom with his drugs, he shook his head, running in after her.

"What are you doing?!" He could feel the anger bubbling inside of him as she looked up at him, dropping everything down in the toilet,

"I care about you." She whispered, shaking her head at him as she flushed the toilet. Reid shook his head, running towards her and looking down the bowl, his life had just been flushed down the drain, he could feel tears of anger dripping down his pale face as he turned on her, raising a fist to punch her in the face, running away quickly before he could hit her again after seeing the fear in her eyes.

She shook her head when she saw the locked door of his bedroom, leaning against it as she thought about what to say. She wondered if she had done the wrong thing by chucking all of his drugs away, shaking her head at the thought, she couldn't waited any longer.

"Spence'?" She whispered through the door, dropping down to the ground, letting her head rest on the cold, wooden door.

"I only did it because I care." Reid put his head on the door from the other side, listening to the sound of her voice, it always made him feel better. He looked around the room moment, curled up in a tight ball, he was safe in here, he couldn't hurt her now.

"I didn't know it would make you angry at me." He shook his head, biting his lip as tears ran down his face,

"I don't want you to hate me even more." He could tell by the sound of her voice she was crying, putting his hand up on the door. JJ sighed, longing for him to speak as she reached out to put her hand on the door,

"I never hated you." He finally managed to say, shaking his head as he looked down at the ground, large tears landing on the carpet below him.

"You have to stop this, she never would have wanted this to happen. She wants you to be happy, why don't you just let yourself be happy for once?" She bit her lip, smiling when she heard him getting up, doing the same before he opened the door. She smiled at him when he finally opened the door, wrapping his arms around her quickly before either of them could say anything.

"I will." He sighed, breathing in the scent of her hair as he pulled her impossibly closer to him, feeling her warm tears fall onto his shoulder as his did the same to hers.


	5. Pushing Her Away

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Five ~ **

JJ groaned as she heard her phone ring, looking at the person as he slept next to her, she grabbed it. She sighed, she knew she would have to go back to work soon, and three weeks off seemed to be it for Hotch. She bit her lip, getting out of bed, still ignoring the ringing phone as she tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Finally, she answered the phone.

She hung up quickly after hearing about the case they needed her on, getting dressed as quickly as she could and making herself look presentable before writing a note to Spencer, kissing him lightly on the forehead. Smiling as he still slept like baby. She took one more look at the house she had called her home for the past few weeks, before running out, slowly closing the door behind her.

Spencer panicked when he woke up alone, the blonde he loved so much not next to him like she always was. He always woke up a little earlier than she did, just so he could watch her sleep, her lids fluttering as she dreamed about something happy – he hoped.

He had grown to love her impossibly more over the past few weeks, they lived in each other's pockets, just them two and it wasn't annoying for either of them. They spent their days together, going out in the night after an amazing day and then having a great night out or in. He shook his head, biting his lip wondering if she had finally realized that he wasn't good enough for her.

He looked around once more before getting out of his bed, his hand reaching the note on the bedside table – his heart dropping a little when it said she had to go to work. He wondered when Hotch decided he wanted him back, he knew it would take a little while longer though.

He bit down hard on his lip, trying to hold back the shaking feeling as he realized that he was all alone. He could do what he wanted, what he needed to do for so long now. The only reason he hadn't was because every time he seemed to want to, JJ would sense it and find some random way to distract him – cooking, pillow fights, water fights, paint ball and even horse riding.

He laughed a little at the thought, she would do anything to make sure he was okay – even if it cost a little more than either of them could afford. He sighed, shaking his head into the empty house, the only thing stopping him was the guilt he could already feel tearing him up inside. And not even that was enough to stop him, not this time.

~ .. ~

JJ sighed, she hated being away from Spencer, she wanted to be next to him right now and holding his hand, or kissing him lightly on the lips – something she hadn't had the guts to do or admit to him yet. She hoped that one day he would know how much she really loved him, and could only hope that he would feel the same.

She looked down at her desk, at all the files in front of her, a tear escaping her eye as she thought about him all alone in the house. He hadn't been the same person when she returned home from the three day case yesterday. He seemed distant, not really wanting her there, she even considered leaving him there, not even sleeping next to him last night but something kept her there. She needed to make sure he was okay, even if she had no idea what was wrong with him.

She finally picked up a case file, smiling at her friends as she told them about the new case. They all knew something was wrong with her, even if she didn't even want to admit it to herself. She kept looking down at her phone, hoping that Reid would call her soon to let her know that he was okay – but then again, the mood he had been in last night, she should know not to wait for it.

And no matter how much he pushed her away, no matter how many times he told her he didn't need her there, she still stayed. She still loved him, as much as she wished she didn't. She would always love Doctor Spencer Reid.


	6. Help Me

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Chapter Six ~ **

Hotch watched JJ as she walked into her office, biting his lip in worry as he shook his head and went back to his own office. Something had been wrong with her lately, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't ask her. She had taken time off, and of course everything with Spencer had got to her before but he wasn't here right now. He sighed, she had been acting weirdly since she got back – maybe she had a boyfriend who was giving her trouble.

He shook his head, looking down at the paperwork on his desk. JJ had been pale lately, and he knew he wasn't the only one to notice the dark circles under her eyes, letting them all know the lack of sleep. He noticed how she kept looking down at her phone, as though she was expecting a call from someone all the time. He sighed again, putting his head in his hands as he thought about it. She had lost some weight recently, and she only bothered to put on make-up when she knew she had a press conference.

He watched as she walked outside, handing everyone a case file before making her way to his office. Everyone was quiet around her, he knew she noticed that laughter stopped when she was in sight, he knew that she could see the looks of concern whenever she tried to smile at someone – always coming out as more of a grimace. She would snap at everyone and anyone, and none of them had no idea what was going on in her personal life that would make her like this in work – they all knew that you had to draw a line between the two.

"New case." JJ muttered, handing Hotch the file before walking back out. He watched her as she walked, knowing she was exhausted. He hoped she would sleep on the plane, he knew Morgan was considering crushing up some sleeping pills in her drink to make sure she did. He shook his head, looking at the photograph he had of all of them – when did things get so wrong?

JJ could feel all eyes on her as she explained the case, turning around to put the photographs up on the board. She carried on speaking, wondering if anyone actually listened to her slow, monotone voice. She was too tired to put any effort into speaking to them, she couldn't be bothered to do anything these days.

They all jumped when her phone off, all of them looking intently at the photographs as they profiled between themselves. JJ smiled lightly as she saw the name on the called ID, she knew she would have to answer it.

"JJ? Help me..." Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of the weak man on the other end of the phone, she could hear the tears in his voice, he sounded terrified of something and she had no idea what.

"What's wrong?" She knew everyone was looking at her now, but she ignored them as she paced back and forth,

"Help me.. come home." She nodded,

"I will be right there, just stay safe, hang on until I get there, okay?"

"Okay." She heard him mutter, both of them hanging up as she looked around the room. She bit down on her lower lip, Spencer was more important to her than this job, and she knew that she would have to make the choice right now.

"I have to go." She muttered, looking down at the floor before looking up at Hotch who just slowly nodded, not knowing what else to do. Her friends watched her as she ran out of the room,

"What's wrong with her?" Morgan looked around as they all shrugged,

"Should we follow her?" Hotch shook his head,

"Some of us have a job to do." He whispered, looking down at the case file again before standing up,

"Wheels up in an hour, if JJ is not back by then, we're going to have to go without her." They nodded slowly, wondering who would get stuck with the press now.

**A/N: What's wrong with Reid? ;) **

**Review to find out =D**


	7. Rejection

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Seven ~ **

JJ ran to the house, turning the key in the door, gasping when she saw the mess he had created in the few hours she had been gone. She looked around the dark house, wondering where he was. She shook her head, speculating what had happened here since she had left the house that morning.

"Spencer?" She shouted, making her way to the bedroom, gasping in shock when she saw the drugs and Spencer just sitting there shooting himself up – not even caring that she was in the room – she could feel her anger rising as she stared at him, her face flushing red as she held back the tears that threatened to fall down her face.

"After all I have done for you, after everything I did... and this is how you pay me back." He looked up, as if he didn't even know she had come home in the first place, putting the needle down before walking over to her, shaking his head.

"I have been trying my best to help you for so long, I kept my end of the promise.. I didn't tell anyone! And then as soon as my back is turned this is what you do! I thought you would be okay and now you have ruined everything, all because you can't even control yourself." She looked into his glazed over eyes, seeing his own anger flare up as he stared down at her,

"Why do you even care about me? Why?" He took a step towards her, cornering her against the wall, suddenly she remembered that one time he had punched her, her whole body shook at the memory. She couldn't let that happen again, not again.

"Because..." She muttered, looking away from him as a tear finally escaped her eye and fell down her pale face,

"I don't want you to care, I don't need you anymore. Why can't you just accept that?"

"You phoned me!" She cried out, turning back to face him as he raised both hands to lean against the wall, he nodded,

"I needed you so I could do this..." He whispered, bending down a little so they were face to face before kissing her roughly on the lips, ignoring the protest from JJ as she tried to push him away from her.

"Get off me." She whispers, shaking her head when he finally pulled away, moving closer and closer to her so their bodies were touching.

"Don't do this please." She pleaded with him, knowing how much Spencer would hate himself if he hurt her in anyway at all when he was like this. She loved him too much to place all that guilt on him.

"I want to, and you know you want this as well. I can see it in your eyes, I know you want this Jennifer." He winked a little, kissing her again, this time biting down hard on her lip causing her to cry out in pain, her head shaking as she turned away from him, flinching when he kissed down her neck. He let his hands trail down, his fingers wrapping around her tiny wrists, pulling them above her head and holding them there, she whimpered a little, refusing to look at him as more and more tears fell from her eyes.

"Stop, please..." She murmured, repeating please over and over again until he finally let go of her wrists and slapped her hard across the face,

"What? Am I not good enough for you?"

"You know that's not it." She looked him in the eyes, her head shaking as she searched for some form of the Spencer Reid she had fallen in love with,

"You need to stop this." She pointed over to the drugs,

"Why do you care?"

"Because I do, that's why!" She shouted in his face, trying to push him out of the way when she realized she was still pinned against the wall,

"Why Jennifer? Why!?" He spat at her,

"Because I love you." She quickly looked at him, seeing a small flash of Spence' in his eyes before he turned away, she let the tears fall once more, sinking down to the ground before curling herself up in a tight ball, sobbing as all the past few months of pain came out. She loved him, and there was nothing she could do to help him. No matter how hard she tried he would always be her friend. No matter what.

"I love you." She whispers again and again, rocking herself back and forth slightly, not wanting to look up from her knees.

Reid looked down at her shocked, not knowing what to say or do to make her stop crying. He hated himself so much, he had hurt her and she still loved him. He shook his head, tears dripping down his own face as he stared at the wall before biting down on his lip.

"Just go away Jennifer, I don't need you here. I don't want you here." He finally said after a few minutes of listening to her sob. She looked up, nodding slowly before getting up, holding onto the wall for support as she looked at him one more time before running as fast as she could out of there.

Reid looked down at the floor, it was for the best. Now he had nobody, and therefore nobody would get hurt. He had helped her, he tried to convince himself, this was for the best.

**A/N: So what's going to happen to Reid now? Will he see sense?**

**And what about JJ? How well is she going to cope with the rejection?**

**Review to find out =D **


	8. Telling Someone

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Eight ~ **

Morgan watched JJ as she walked into work that morning, he sighed and then looked over at Emily and shrugged. He saw the dark circles under her eyes, she slight tinge of red to them that gave away the fact that she had been crying. She was as pale as a ghost and there was a huge cut on her lip, something that only angered him. He looked at her again, noticing that she wasn't in her usual work clothes and instead was just wearing a pair of black trousers and a baggy top. He could just make out the dark bruises around her wrist as she walked past them, without a greeting, and walked into her office.

"Garcia?" He nodded at Emily, getting up and walking over to Garcia's den,

"Hey baby girl." He smiled a little, never reaching his eyes as he thought about the broken woman – his best friend, the woman he saw as his little sister – he had just seen. He nibbled on his lower lip for a second before looking at Garcia and sighed,

"Can you go check on JJ? I don't think she is doing so good, make her go home if she is sick or something." She nodded, not saying a word as she ran past him. She had no idea what had been going on with her best friend for a few months now, and she was determined to find out soon.

She didn't bother knocking, walking in to find JJ curled up on her chair, silent tears running down her face as she stared at the floor.

"JJ?" She whispered, shutting the door behind her and walking over to the shaking woman,

"What's happened?" She knelt down and took her hand in hers, smiling a little as she reached out to brush a hair out of JJ's eyes. She shook her head and looked at Garcia, not able to stop the tears that fell from her face.

"I-I can't help him." She muttered, just loud enough for Garcia to hear her,

"Who?" JJ suddenly seemed to realize that she wasn't on her own anymore and she snatched her hand out of Garcia's and sat up, looking down at the case files that Garcia knew she wasn't reading.

"Who JJ?" The woman shook her head again and ran her hand through her hair, looking up at her best friend, her eyes begging her to just drop it – something she knew Garcia would never do.

"It won't leave this room, just tell me." JJ thought for a moment, she knew she had to tell someone that something was wrong with Reid, she knew that she had to do this... but she had promised him and she didn't want to hurt him. But he had hurt her, she thought for a moment before looking down at the floor,

"R-Reid."

"Why does he need your help Jayje? Is he back on the drugs?" JJ just nodded slowly, looking up at her before letting the sobs out, grateful when Garcia held her tight in her arms, wrapping her arms around her neck as she sobbed into her chest.

"I-I thought I-I c-could help him." She sobbed,

"He hit you?" Garcia could feel anger bubbling up inside of her as she looked at the cut on her friends lip, JJ shook her head and then nodded,

"He did before but not last night." She whispered,

"How did you get this then?" Garcia lightly pointed at the cut, JJ didn't know what to say – she didn't want anyone to hate Reid but she wanted to tell someone.

"He bit it..." She murmured,

"He pinned me against the wall... I thought he was going t-to..." She trailed off, knowing Garcia would understand what she meant,

"Oh honey... and you have been dealing with this since he left?" JJ nodded,

"I went to see him the day after he went and I tried my best to help him..." Garcia nodded, rocking back and forth slightly and she tried to soothe the woman in her arms,

"It's all going to be okay, what happened last night to make you so upset?"

"I told him that I loved him and he said he didn't need me or want me... he chucked me out." JJ dug her nails deep into her arm as she remembered those words,

"_Just go away Jennifer, I don't need you here. I don't want you here." _

The words replayed over and over in her head like a broken record, she just wanted to forget all about it, pretend it never happened. She wanted to live in her own make believe world in which he said that he loved her too, and he would stop the drugs just for her. But it couldn't happen like that, he didn't love her and he didn't need her. She just wanted to forget about Spencer Reid.

~ .. ~

Reid's hand shook as he bit down on his lower lip, he looked up at the large building in front of him and sighed. This was for the best though, he knew that.

He slowly walked up the path and smiled a little, he loved JJ too and he was going to get better before letting her know that, he wouldn't hurt her again. He fingered the photograph that he held in his hand of her and him together, smiling and laughing. They would be happy, if she ever forgave him.

He walked into the large building and smiled, looking around a little before going up to the front desk,

"Hello, my name is Spencer Reid, I would like to check myself into Rehab." He nodded at her when she told him to wait for her to go get someone for him to talk to, he knew this would be his last chance if he ever wanted to change – if he ever wanted to be with JJ. This was his last chance at happiness.


	9. Five Months Later

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ 5 months later ~ **

JJ grinned at Morgan and pushed him lightly as he laughed at her. She looked over at Emily who just rolled her eyes and then laughed a little, Hotch looked at the three and smiled a little. He was glad when JJ returned to her old self a few weeks ago, she had moved on from whatever had been holding her back.

Morgan winked at Emily before running behind JJ when she tried to walk away to get Garcia, lifting her with no trouble over his shoulders as she giggled and asked him to put her down. Emily laughed loudly as she got out her camera and took a photograph of the two.

"Do you lot ever stop messing around?" Rossi said as he walked into the office, he had no idea how the group could be so lively at seven in the morning, but he was glad for the normality for once.

"Blame Morgan!" JJ shouted, closing her eyes and giggling when Morgan quickly ran up the steps, twirling around to make her dizzy.

Garcia came out of her office and smiled at the scene, she was the only one who knew about Reid and JJ and she was glad that the sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes had returned for the first time in ages.

"She seems happier." Emily whispered to Garcia,

"She's moving on." Emily nodded, although she had no idea what had been going on with JJ she had some suspicions.

"Are we going to work today?" Hotch finally said, shaking his head at Morgan and JJ who were still messing around and were now play fighting,

"No cases." JJ shouted back at him, grinning as Morgan ruffled her hair, she pounced on his back and smiled at him, whispering a thank you in his ear as he gave her a piggy back. She owed Morgan everything for the past few months, he was the one she would call in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep, he was the one she spent almost every night with, the one who made her laugh and smile, the one she could spend every waking moment with.

"It's no problem." Morgan looked at the girl who he had now put down and wrapped his arms around her, he loved her so much, she had no idea how many dates he had given up just so he could be there with her and make her feel okay again – she meant more to him than any of those women.

He grinned when she kissed him gently on the cheek, neither of them caring that everyone was looking at them. They all knew about JJ and Morgan's relationship, they knew that it was the way they were with each other. They were all just glad to see that sparkle in her eyes once more. She wrapped an arm around his waist and he wrapped one around her shoulders as they all started to talk about the party they had gone to last night.

"Reid?!"Emily was the first to notice the lanky genius as he walked in, staring at JJ and Morgan and shaking his head. He couldn't believe that she had moved on already, but then again he knew he couldn't blame her, he had been horrible to her.

"Emily." He nodded towards the woman and walked up to everyone, he noticed JJ's grip on Morgan tightened and Morgan pulled JJ closer to him as he glared at Reid. Garcia shook her head when she realized JJ must have told Morgan and she bit down on her lip, she had no idea if it was a good thing that Morgan knew or not.

JJ looked down at the floor, smiling a little when Morgan whispered something to her. Reid hugged Emily and Garcia, stopping at JJ and frowning.

"S-sorry if me being back is going to upset you." He whispered, she shook her head and looked away from him, Hotch and Rossi looked over at them confused and Emily sighed when she realized her suspicions had just been confirmed. Morgan shared a look with Garcia before looking at Reid,

"Are you clean?" He asked him, pulling JJ impossibly closer to his body when he felt her tense,

"Y-yes.. I just came out of a five month stay in rehab." He smiled a little,

"You went to rehab?" JJ whispered, she had long since given up on a phone call or a message from the man she would always love more than anything but she had no idea where he was.

"Yes I did... I did it for you but..." He frowned at the two of them and sighed, JJ looked at Morgan and the two of them burst out laughing.

"Dude that is sick, JJ is like my little sister." Morgan wrinkled his nose at the thought of dating the woman he thought of as a sister, the one he would do anything to protect.

"What?" Reid looked at their arms around each other and then back at everyone else who just smiled,

"I can't believe you would think that." Morgan shook his head and grinned, shaking Reid's hand,

"It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back." He looked at JJ who wouldn't let go of Morgan,

"Can I speak to you alone?" She shook her head and bit down on her lip, Garcia looked down at the floor, she knew that JJ wanted to but she wouldn't let herself get hurt again. JJ's barriers were up and they were going to stay that way.

"Please?" Reid whispered,

"She doesn't want to, leave it for now Reid." Morgan shook his head, warning the other man who nodded and walked over to his desk. JJ sighed and smiled at Morgan when he kissed her on the forehead, she laughed a little at the thought of dating Morgan. She looked into his eyes, wishing she could see him in that way because he was amazing, he was everything she wanted and more.

**A/N: Haha, I wanted to trick you wonderful readers into thinking JJ and Morgan were together, did it work? :) **

**Drop me a review! **


	10. Set Up

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

"JJ you can't ignore him forever." Garcia sighed as JJ bit down on her lower lip and shrugged,

"I can try." She muttered, rolling her eyes and looking down at the drink she held in her hands.

"He's been back for a month already and you haven't even spoken to him – Hotch is getting annoyed because it's effecting work." JJ shrugged again and frowned,

"He embarrassed me." She whispered,

"He was on drugs, he is back to the old Spence that you have always loved, please, I am not saying that you have to love him again but please just talk to him." JJ shook her head and sighed,

"Well sometimes life is tough JJ..." Emily shook her head and got up from the table that the three women were sitting around, JJ looked around the restaurant and then back at her two best friends, wrinkling her nose as she tried to figure out what Emily had meant.

"I am sorry baby girl but we had to do this." Garcia whispered before getting up as well,

"What?" JJ looked at them both, confused until she saw the one man she had tried her best to avoid over the past month. She shook her head and groaned,

"I am going." Garcia put her hand on her shoulder and forced her to sit down in the seat, frowning at the woman she considered to be like family to her,

"You're not going anywhere, you're going to stay here and talk to him and then you're going to come into work with a smile on your face and it's not going to be because of Morgan." JJ sighed and then looked down at the table, she heard Reid thank the two women before they walked off, she hated them for doing this, it had nothing to do with them.

"I am sorry for tricking you." He muttered as he sat down,

"I pre-ordered your favourite, is that okay?" She nodded, trying her best to not look at him, staring out of the window, longing her phone to go off with a new case.

"Please speak to me Jenny," She glared at him and he sighed,

"Please.. I miss you so much. I went to rehab the day after you told me that you loved me-" She put up her hand and shook her head,

"Forget that ever happened, I didn't know what I was saying, there is no need to rub in my own embarrassment is there Doctor Reid?" He bit down on his lip and sighed,

"I didn't mean it like that, I never wanted you to leave. I love you too, I always have loved you and I think I always will. I said it so you wouldn't get hurt because I was waiting for the day when you would come and find me dead..." He shook his head and looked into her eyes, glad to finally have her undivided attention,

"I went into rehab because I knew it was the only way I was going to be be able to ever be with you. I love you so much and it's never going to happen again, I am so sorry that I hit you and I was going to..." He trailed off,

"Don't say it." JJ muttered, her lips turning a light shade of pink as she looked down at her hands,

"I am sorry for everything I have put you through and I would understand if you never want to be with me like that but can we at least be friends?"

"Reid..."

"I love you more than life itself and I wish I had realized that before. When you left that day I had no idea what to do with myself other than win you back. I didn't want to hurt you but I thought it was for the best." She nodded,

"I understand." She finally smiled at him, hesitating before reaching out for his hand, he smiled and took her hand in his,

"I love you Jennifer Jareau."

"I love you too Spence." She whispered before he leaned over the table to kiss her gently on the lips. Finally, everything was looking up.

**A/N: So they are finally together, is it going to be happily ever after or will there be some tragedy coming their way very soon? ;) **

**Review to find out. **


	11. Honeymoon Period

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

"**Never deprive someone of hope, it may be all they have left."  
**

JJ grabbed Reid's hand and giggled as he said something. Garcia grinned, nudging Emily as they both walked into work, JJ had a wide smile on her face and her blonde hair flowed back as she laughed loudly. Reid's sparkle was back in his eyes as he gripped onto her hand tightly, pulling her close to him and kissing her gently on the lips – neither of them caring who saw them.

"When do you think the honeymoon period will end?" Emily whispered,

"Well they have been like this for two months now, so.. never?" Morgan laughed and then looked back over at them when the couple finally walked over to them, still hand in hand.

"We have a new case." JJ frowned at them before finally letting go of Reid's hand and passing out the files she held under her arm.

"We need to leave as soon as possible." She sighed, kissing Reid on the cheek before walking to Hotch's office.

~ .. ~

"Are you okay?" Reid whispered as he looked at the blonde sitting next to him on the plane, he had noticed how pale she was, and when she had thrown up that morning he hadn't been able to shake the feeling that something was wrong.

He sighed and then held her hand tight in his when she nodded slowly, staring out of the window as she bit down on her lip, trying to stop herself from crying in front of everyone.

"You would tell me if something was wrong, right?" She nodded and then gave him a small smile,

"I promise... I just don't feel too good." He nodded, letting her rest her head on his shoulder as he looked over the file, smiling when her eyes finally closed.

"Do we have anything?" Morgan looked over at the two, Reid wasn't the only who had noticed how ill JJ looked recently. He sighed and then looked back down at the case file,

"All men..." Reid muttered, holding up the photographs,

"One gun shot wound to the chest and another to the leg." He frowned,

"Why not to the head? It would be a lot quicker?"

"He wants to see them in pain, he wants to watch them die."

"So he's never in a rush then?" Emily watched JJ closely as she stirred a little in her sleep,

"He has them away from everyone else enough so that nobody can hear them but close enough that he can dump the bodies exactly one hour after their death." Reid sighed, looking at the post-mortem and shook his head,

"This could be a long one." Morgan muttered before slamming the case file down, Reid nodded in agreement.

**A/N: This chapter was just a filler chapter, the next chapter is when a lot of the action happens. So, if you want it up soon, review! **


	12. Blood

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

"**I don't know why they call it heartbreak, it feels like every part of my body is broken too."**

Her scream echoed around the whole room as she ran towards the man on the ground, she forgot everything she had ever learned when one of their own were down. She didn't care about the man that was still holding a gun to them, she didn't care that everyone was telling her to stay back, she cared about him and she would deal with the consequences later on when she knew that he was going to be okay.

She shook her head, tears dripping down her face as the man who had shot the man she loved so much fell down to the floor, clutching his chest before closing his eyes. She didn't care about him though, she looked down at the man she know held in her arms and she rocked back and forth.

She heard the sirens in the background, she could only hope that they would come soon. She cried harder when he wouldn't open his eyes, she hated this case so much, she wished she had never taken it – then maybe would be okay.

She looked down at the dark, red blood on her hands and more tears fell down her pale cheeks as she bit down on her lower lip to stop herself from screaming. She could feel someone wrap their arms around her and pull her away from him. She kicked for a minute, she couldn't leave him alone, he couldn't wake up and think that she had just left him there.

She finally gave in and let the person hold her, whispering words in her ears to let her know that everything was going to be okay – but how was she supposed to know that it was going to be okay? He could die, she could lose everything she ever loved because of one case.

She bit down on her lip as they took him away from them, quickly getting up to follow them out. She wasn't going to let him down, she was going to be there for him this time. She shook her head when Hotch grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking. He said something about them needing space in the ambulance, and she had to watch as they drove off with him.

She couldn't believe all of this had happened, last night they were cuddled in each others arms and telling each other about all the things they were going to do in the near future and now here she was, waiting to see if he was going to live or die.

She looked down at the blood all over her clothes, she shook her head again, tears running down her cheeks. She had never seen so much blood, she couldn't handle it. She could feel her whole world spinning and she grabbed onto the nearest person to her. She knew that the darkness was going to take over soon, not wanting to give into it, she wanted to be there for Reid. She wanted to hold his hand and tell him that it was going to be okay, she wanted to smooth his hair out of face and tell him how much she loved him.

She finally felt her knees buckle beneath her as her eyes closed, she could hear the shouts from those around her before everything went black. She wanted to scream out but she couldn't say anything, she couldn't see anything. She couldn't feel anything. She wanted Reid, she wanted to be there for him like he would be there for her.

It wasn't supposed to end this way.


	13. Awake

**Disclaimer: I own the most amazing CM hoodie, it says **

**'Peace, Love, Forensics.' **

**Beat that. **

Hotch shook his head and slammed his hand against the wall, two of his family members and team members were in hospital and he had no idea what he could do about it. He bit down on his lower lip and ignored the looks he got from the nurses before returning to his previous pacing back and forth.

He looked at the nurse as she walked towards them, a small smile played on her lips as she asked them if they were there for Jennifer Jareau. Hotch nodded when they told him that she was sleeping but they were allowed to see her until Reid was out of surgery.

Garcia grabbed Emily's hand as they walked into her room, shaking their heads as they walked over to JJ's bed and held her hand, smoothing her blonde hair out of her face as they told her that it was going to be okay. They looked at her deathly pale face and frowned a little, they wondered if there was more to this than just shock.

Garcia smiled down at her when she felt the woman stir a little, opening her eyes slowly as she groaned in pain.

"Spence?" She looked around before she remembered what happened, tears falling down her face once more.

"I will go get the doctor." Morgan muttered, still in shock about everything that had happened, something that could potentially change their lives forever. JJ squeezed Garcia's hand,

"He's going to be okay isn't he? He wouldn't leave me, right?" Garcia smiled and gripped the woman's hand even tighter,

"He wouldn't leave if you if he had the choice." She whispered, JJ nodded and closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling down her face.

"Can I go see him?"

"He's not out of surgery yet." JJ nodded and sighed, keeping her eyes closed before putting a hand to her stomach, something didn't feel right, she frowned and then looked at the doctor when he walked in.

"Mrs Jareau?" She nodded, biting down on her lower lip, dreading the news that was about to come.

"I am sorry to tell you this but you lost your baby." He looked at her,

"I was pregnant?" JJ wrinkled her nose, letting the tears fall once the news settled in – she could have had Reid's baby, she could have a little Spencer Reid running around her house one day, or even a mini her. She shook her head and then bit down on her lower lip,

"I want to be left alone." She muttered, glad when they all nodded and left the room, watching them leave before curling up into a tight ball and sobbing harder than she thought possible. She had lost his baby, she had lost the one thing that would have been hers and Reid's, she could only hope that she would get the chance again.

- - - - -

Reid looked around him, only seeing a white wall surrounding him. He frowned a little, JJ's scream ringing through his ears over and over again. He shook his head, knowing he could never leave her. He wouldn't do that to her, he knew he had to get out of here.

He looked around, running to every corner of the room to bang on the walls, shaking his head when he finally gave up. He could hear his name being called and he wished he could just open his eyes and look into those beautiful blue eyes of the woman he loved. He wanted to hold her in his arms and he wanted to see the smile that brightened his day. He wanted her.

- - - - -

Hotch looked down at the young agent as he lay there, horribly pale and still. He sighed, he was glad that Reid was out of surgery, but there was still that danger of losing him. He bit down on his lower lip, wondering how Reid was going to react to the news that his baby had died.

"He's strong, he will make it through this... he will do it for JJ." He looked up and nodded at Rossi, he knew the man was right, if there was anyone Reid would make this through for it would be JJ.

"I just hope that they will be okay." He muttered, sitting down, his eyes not leaving the man laying on the bed.

"They will, them two can make it through anything." Hotch knew that but he still needed to hear it, he needed to know that they were both going to be okay, he needed to know that no matter what JJ and Reid would still love each other through this.

He wondered what else God wanted to throw the young couples away, it seemed like everything was against them but they still tried so hard to make it through it, they still loved each other unconditionally.

- - - - -

"I want to see Reid." JJ told Garcia when the woman walked back into her room,

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I don't care what you think, I want to see my boyfriend now." JJ glared at her and then at the IV that was running into her arm, shaking her head before ripping it out and getting out of the bed.

"JJ!" She ignored Garcia as she walked past her, she had to get to Reid, she had to let him know that he had to get through this, she needed him to know that she was there for him. She wasn't going to leave him alone this time, she was going to be there no matter what.

She bit down on her lip when she went into his room, ignoring the disappointment on Hotch's face when he saw the blood dripping down he arm from where she had yanked the tube out. She shrugged a little and then walked over to Reid's beside, grabbing his hand and smiling down at him as tears dripped down her face.

"You have to make it through this, don't even think about leaving me..." She whispered in his ear, hoping he could hear her.

- - - - -

Reid smiled when he heard her voice, she sounded so sad, he knew he had to wake up to be there for her. He knew he had to make it through this so he could be with her forever.

_"Just wake up Reid, I can't do this without you, I need you here beside me. I need you to hold my hand, I need you to smile at me, I need you to lay awake with me at night, I need you to open the car door for me. I need you." _He nodded and stood up, knowing he would have to will himself out of this place.

His heart broke when he heard her cry, he could almost feel her tears on his face as he tried his best to force himself to open his eyes. He knew he had to do this, he had to do this for her. He wanted to shout out her name, hold out his arms for her to run in and cry on his shoulder.

"Spence?" Her eyes widened in shock, she didn't know her pleading would work, she shook her head and then grinned at everyone when he opened his eyes, groaning in pain.

"You're going to be okay." She whispered, smoothing his hair out of his face and kissing him on the lips.

"It's going to be fine." He nodded slowly, still trying to think past the pain when a doctor came in. He looked at JJ properly for a moment, wondering why she was in a hospital gown, his eyes widening when he saw the blood dripping down her arm. She noticed what he was looking at and glared at a nurse who grabbed her,

"I will tell you later." She muttered before being dragged off. He sighed and then tried to focus his eyes, he knew he was going to be okay but that didn't mean the pain stopped. But he was awake and JJ was okay, everything was good.


	14. Not Meant To Be

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

Warm tears ran down his pale face as he clung onto her hand, he used his free hand to wipe away the tears that had fallen down her face. He shook his head as he thought about how he should have known, he should have seen the signs.

"I didn't know." JJ said quickly, wondering if Reid was thinking that she had known and hadn't told him,

"I know you didn't, we should have though. It was so obvious." He heaved a deep sigh and looked at her, frowning, their child was gone. He had to look away for a moment as he tried to think of the baby that could have been, the baby that should have been. If it was a girl she would have been the image of her mother but would have her fathers brain. He wondered if that would be a curse, but then thought about how much it had brought him – JJ being one of those things.

"We can get through this though." He looked back at her, smiling as he touched her cheek.

"I know it seems hard, but I promise you that it's going to get easier and we are both young JJ, we have plenty of time for children." She nodded, putting her hand on top of his and smiling,

"I know, but he would have been perfect."

"You think it would have been a boy?" She shrugged,

"I can see you more with boys than girls." She laughed a little, laying down next to him and putting her head on his chest.

"When we do have children we can tell them all about our adventures!" He laughed loudly as he said it, smiling when she joined in.

"Your little adventures anyway, trust you to be the one who got shot."

"I know, it's always me." She giggled a little,

"Well make sure it's not you next time, I don't want to lose you." She whispered, completely serious this time. Spencer nodded and wrapped his arm around her tighter,

"I would never leave you."

"Good." They both sighed happily as they closed their eyes, happy to be able to hold the other one as they thought about the life they were going to make for themselves soon. They both imagined the children they were going to have, their wedding, growing old together.

JJ smiled in content when she realized she had finally found the one that she and her friends had always tried to imagine and would giggle about when they were teenagers. Spencer Reid and Jennifer Jareau – Jennifer Reid. She grinned when she thought about it, it had a ring to it, she couldn't wait until that day.

Reid opened one eye and looked down at JJ when she grinned, he wondered what she was thinking about before closing his eyes and imagining their beautiful wedding day. He was going to make sure that she had the most amazing, beautiful wedding ever, and she would be worth every single penny.

He smiled when he thought about her walking down the isle in a gorgeous white dress that would cling onto her figure, showing off every single small curve. Jennifer Reid, he loved the sound of it, and he knew that it would happen soon.

He bit down on his lower lip and JJ did the same as they both finally fell asleep, dreams filled with images of what their baby could have been like. Reid dreamed about a small, blonde girl running around their house with a book in her chubby little hands, he dreamed about her reading just as fast as he could at her age.

Jennifer dreamed about a boy that looked just like Reid, with big glasses and everything. He ran around the house, always telling her random facts that would constantly remind her of his dad.

Neither of them cried though, because they knew that it was going to happen one day – this time just wasn't mean to be.


	15. Engaged

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

Reid looked over at his girlfriend and sighed happily, he had got out of the hospital a few weeks ago and was glad to be back at work, even if he was just on the desk – and to add to his pleasure, JJ was still fussing over him like she did at home.

He smiled over at her and waved, grinning when she waved back. He looked back at the file in front of him as he thought about JJ, he had never imagined himself with someone like her. She was the type of woman he had always thought was too good for him, and in a way she still was – even if she didn't think so.

He looked back at her, staring at her gorgeous, flowing blonde hair as she walked with case files under her arm, smiling at anyone she walked past – only grinning when she saw Spencer.

"You really need to stop staring at each other." Morgan laughed, shaking his head,

"I-I..." Spencer blushed a bright shade of red as he tried to think of a good come back, he may be a genius but he couldn't handle the friendly banter that Morgan seemed to enjoy so much.

"We will stop staring at each other when you stop staring at Emily." JJ said as she breezed past him, glaring at him and then kissing Spencer gently on the cheek, making his reddened cheeks go an ever darker shade of red (if that was possible).

"Love you." She whispered in his ear before getting up and walking away, winking a little at him before closing the door to her office to carry on with the paper work she needed to catch up on after rushing out every single time she felt like it for the past few weeks to see Reid.

She looked at her left hand and grinned, the beautiful diamond glistened and she remembered the day he proposed to her.

"_JJ, I know we haven't been dating for long but I know how much I love you and I think I always have and I know for a fact I always will..."_

"Reid?" JJ placed a hand on his shoulder as they stopped walking, and laughed at him,

"_You're rambling." He nodded and then looked around the park he had insisted they took a walk around. He looked up at the night sky, at the beautiful stars and the full moon. He knew it was right to do it now, he knew this was the perfect place for her. _

_He slowly got down on one knee and pulled out the diamond ring he had bought just after she said yes to his apology, he had been waiting for so long to give it to her and he knew that now was as good a time as any. _

_JJ put her hand to her mouth as tears dripped down her face and she smiled lightly at him, _

_  
"Will you do me the honour of being my wife?" He asked her, looking up into her bright, blue eyes as he spoke, JJ nodded almost immediately and whispered a yes, tears running down her cheeks as he slipped the ring easily onto her finger and then jumped up to kiss her on the lips. _

JJ grinned at the memory, it was the best night of her life and she didn't think she would ever forget it, it was perfect, just like him.

She looked over at him through the blinds and smiled, she had never thought she would deserve someone like him, he had never been her type before but when she had met him she just knew how much she loved him. She had never thought that he would feel the same way about her, never in a million years.

She looked down at the file in front of her and sighed, she put her hand on her stomach and hoped that one day she would have a little Reid running around her house soon. She wanted that more than anything.

**A/N: So, I had an amazing idea from one of you, about making William Reid come into the story. So, give your ideas to me. **

**A) What is he like? I hardly remember him**

**B) What is Spencer like around him?**

**A/N: Unless I get like a major amount of reviews this may be my last update until the 21st because I am going away. **

**Thank you for those who do review though!**


	16. William

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

"Reid, I am laying down the law on this one – you are inviting him whether you like it or not." JJ looked at her future husband, her arms crossed as she glared at him, in her hand she held the invitation she was just about to send before he stopped her.

"I don't want him there!" Reid groaned, looking down at the floor and shuffling in his seat a little, he knew that an angry JJ was not a good one to cross.

"Look mister." She pointed a finger at him, jabbing it into his chest to make a point before staring him right in the eyes, blue eyes met brown as neither of them moved,

"He is your father and he is coming to his only son's wedding and he is going to be a part of your life if he wants to and do you want to know why?" Reid shook his head, still not breaking the eye contact, gulping a little,

"Because he is the only connection to your family that you have left and before we start a new one you are going to make sure that everything is okay with you two." She sighed and finally turned away, causing Reid to go a light shade of pink as he stared at the side of her face,

"But he walked out on us!"

"I know he did but he thought it was the right thing to do at the time and it was obvious from the last time you two saw each other that he regretted that decision greatly, now I am going to leave it alone if he says no or if he turns up and you two really don't get on but until that day comes, he is coming to the wedding and that is final."

"Why?"

"Because I am going to be your wife and the mother of your child." She put her hand on her still small stomach and smiled, they had found out they were going to have another baby two months ago. **A/N: This is set a few months from the last chapter in case you hadn't realized that already. **

"But still -"

"No! This baby is going to know that his daddy tried to make the connections with his family, I am not going to tell him that you just gave up." She shook her head and sighed, grabbing the invitation and putting it an envelope.

"Fine but if this all goes wrong don't say I didn't tell you so!" Reid frowned and carried on putting invitations in envelopes, not a word passing between the young couple as they tried to sort out everything.

- - - - - - - – - -

Reid grabbed JJ's hand and pulled her close to him, putting his hand on her stomach as she grinned at the man in front of her. She put her hand out for him to shake, which he gratefully took and looked at Reid.

"I have to say that I was surprised when you invited me Spencer." Reid just nodded as the three of them sat down and looked at each other,

"Yeah, well I had n-" JJ kicked him under the table, shaking her head when she realized what he was going to say,

"I thought that it would be nice." He muttered, looking down at the table and sighing,

"It was a lovely thought, and look at this.. your future wife!" He grinned at JJ and then back at Reid,

"I am so proud of you son." Reid just nodded and then looked at his wife,

"JJ is pregnant." He blurted out, putting his hand back on her stomach and rubbing it in small circles, JJ put her hand on top of his and beamed at him and then his dad.

"It's nice meeting you Mr Reid by the way – I know that you and Spence don't talk much but we want that to change." She looked at Reid,

"Don't we?" He bit down on his lower lip and nodded slowly,

"Really? You want me to be part of your life?" The man's face brightened up at the thought and he laughed,

"You have no idea how much that means to me." He looked at his son and then sighed,

"I know I hurt you so much but I promise that I am going to make up for it." He nodded once and then looked down at the menu,

"Good." Reid whispered, looking down at his own menu, smiling a little to himself as he silently thanked JJ for getting involved in something he had been determined to not bring up again. He tried his best to not look at JJ, he could just imagine the smug look on her face when she realized she had been right all along.

"So when is the baby due?"William finally asked, looking at the two in front of him,

"Six months." JJ replied, looking back down at the menu as a sign that those two should talk instead.

"I missed you so much." William looked at his son and smiled,

"I wanted to come back for you but I am just stubborn – I hate being wrong. But there has never been a day where I don't regret it, and if I could turn back time I would have taken you with me and made sure your mum got the help she needed." Reid just nodded,

"I missed you too but I guess things were meant to work out that way."

"Yes I guess you're right, I am going to do my best to make up for it now though."

"I'm glad." Reid genuinely smiled and then rolled his eyes at JJ when she poked her tongue out at him when William wasn't looking,

- - - - - - - – -

"I could get used to this whole being right thing." JJ said as she lay back on their bed and sighed happily, Reid groaned and put the book he had been reading down,

"Are you still going on about that?" She nodded, grinning,

"Fine, JJ you were right.."

"And?"

"I should listen to you more often." She nodded and then kissed him gently,

"Good boy." She winked at him before wrapping her arms around him and snuggling into his chest, Reid just shook his head and laughed before wrapping his own arms around her.


	17. Wedding

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

JJ sighed at her reflection in the mirror, putting her hand on her now large baby bump and smiling a little. She was about to marry the man of her dreams, the one she knew she belonged with.

She looked behind her at her two best friends, both of them wearing long, matching gold dresses – the theme for the wedding being black and gold. She smiled at them both and then looked down at her own dress, she loved the beautiful white and the silk touch on her skin, the way it clung to the baby bump – showing how proud she was to be having Spencer Reid's baby.

"You look beautiful." Emily said as she walked up to her best friend and smiled at her, moving some of the curls that hung loosely on JJ's shoulders.

"I'm scared." JJ bit down hard on her lip, her hands shaking as she looked helplessly at her best friends.

"You don't have to be scared, everything is going to go perfect today." Emily nodded,

"Right, Garcia?" Garcia beamed at them and then walked over to JJ,

"It's going to be the best day of your life." She nodded, wrapping her arms around JJ and then pulling back to dab her eyes,

"My baby girl is all grown up." JJ laughed loudly and then shook her head, rolling her eyes slightly at the woman before turning back to the mirror.

"JJ, that's are cue." Emily could hear the music and then the door opened to reveal JJ's dad, grinning at the three.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." She muttered, taking a few steps towards him and gripping tightly onto his extended arm.

"You look beautiful." He told her, wrapping her in a hug before they went to walk down the isle. He watched her as she walked, knowing that Reid was perfect for his daughter, he couldn't imagine her with anyone better.

He watched her whole body shaking as nerves completely took her, her eyes meeting Reid's as they carried on walking down the long isle that seemed to her to be never ending. He noticed the way she concentrated on every single step she took, making sure she didn't fall over or anything.

"Good luck Spencer." He muttered under his breath as he patted the nervous man on the back when they finally reached him, something that earned him a glare from the now grinning JJ.

- - - - - - - - - -

Reid closed his eyes and waited nervously, statistics running through his fantastic mind as she tried to think of the chances of JJ leaving him standing there at the isle, would she realize that she was too good for him? He bit down on his lip, wondering if she was ever going to realize that.

He looked at Morgan - his best man - and smiled a little when he heard the music everyone in the room had been waiting for. His body shook with the mere anticipation of spending the rest of his life with the same woman, the woman he was going to have a child with in a few months, the one woman he loved more than anything else.

He beamed at her when he saw her walking slowly towards him, she looked gorgeous, and he knew right then that she wouldn't leave him, and maybe, just maybe, she wasn't too good for him,

He watched her walking down the isle, the way her whole body shook, the look of dire concentration on her pale face as she tried her best to make sure nothing happened on her one and only big day, the way her hand was pressed onto her large stomach as she smiled at her husband to be, the father of her child. The one man they both knew she would spend the rest of her life with.

He laughed at her dad when he muttered good luck to him before sitting down and then he took both of her hands in his, knowing that she was the one he was meant to be with, the one who had shown him the light beyond the darkness, the one who had shown him that life was worth living again. She was the only one for him.


	18. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: See last chapter **

**~ Epilogue ~ **

JJ grinned at her husband, wrapping her arms around his neck as he leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips before putting his hand on her pregnant belly.

"He's a day late." He whispered to her as she nodded, sighing a little and then looking out of the window as three small children played outside,

"They were all early." She frowned and put her hand on her stomach, willing for the baby to just come out already.

"Allison, Harry, Demi, can you come in now?" She smiled as they started running towards the house, wrapping their arms around their parents as they ran into the kitchen.

JJ smiled at her three children, she had been right all along – their first child was a boy, Harry. He was identical to Spencer in every way possible, there was no denying who his dad was. The seven year old boy was just as intelligent as his dad was at his age, it not, cleverer.

She smiled as they all sat down, the four year old twins came as a surprise but she loved them so much. They were what made their family so much more lively, the girls were identical in looks – both of them looking exactly like their mother but they both had the brains of their father.

Allison was sporty, and she loved making people laugh whereas Demi was shy and preferred to hide herself in a book. JJ wrapped her arms around her husband once more, a small twinge running through her body as she did so, she bit down on her lip and beamed up at him,

"I think he's coming." She laughed at the panic on his face, wondering how many more times she would have to do it until he stopped looking so scared.

"Allison stay here with your mum, Harry come and help me and Demi phone Aunty Garcia." The three nodded, all knowing what was going on as they run off to do what their dad told them to, just like they had done a hundred times before.

"Mummy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Does it hurt to have a baby?"

"Yes, but then you see the baby and it all goes away." She smiled, putting her hand on her beautiful daughter's cheek before feeling another twinge of pain.

"It's going to be okay mummy, little Chad will be here soon." JJ grinned and nodded, wondering what she had done to deserve three – soon to be four – wonderful children and an amazing husband.

"I know baby, I know." She whispered, grabbing Reid's hand when he finally skidded into the kitchen with everything they had packed.

"Let's go, let's go!" He shouted, rushing the children out of the house with them, he smiled at his wife as he got her into the car and he knew that his family was complete and he had managed to get through the darkness – and it was all thanks to JJ.

**The End **


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